The Tangled Webs We Weave
by daseyshipper
Summary: Paul's marriage isn't doing so well, Casey's upset that Derek's dating Emily and needs someone to turn to, and Derek faces an obstacle he didn't expect. Everyone's got a secret...
1. Every Day is Exactly the Same

Hey all! Ok, so I've had this idea floating around, and this is also in semi-answer to Capricious' challenge for an adult POV. This will not be entirely in Paul's POV though, there will be Derek and Casey POV, and this will not be all about Casey and Paul either :) Let me know what you think, I've got a pretty decent idea of the direction I'm taking for the next few chapters.

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Chapter 1 (Every Day is Exactly the Same)

Paul watched Casey McDonald pace back and forth in front of his desk, her arms flying around wildly. He sighed and sat back with a small smile as he absorbed Casey's latest rant about her stepbrother Derek. Finally she slumped down exhausted and frustrated in the chair across from him.

"Well?" Casey asked helplessly. Paul had been silent the whole time she'd been letting loose about Derek, allowing her to vent her feelings. In truth, Paul spent much of the silence of their sessions in a torturous back-and-forth with his conscience as he watched her slender young form move excitedly.

_Where were the girls like her when I was in school? There weren't any. _

_But you're not in school now, far from it, and you have a wife._

"Casey, don't you think you're being a little unfair? Derek was upset when you wanted to date his best friend, right? But you went for it anyway. Emily's a big girl, she can make her own decisions."

"But Sam and I didn't even end up going out that long, so it doesn't count!" she stopped, sticking her bottom lip out and crossing her arms across her chest. The posture accentuated her breasts and Paul fought to hold his eyes to Casey's face. She now looked nervous. "Right?" she asked.

"I think you just need to let Derek and Emily sort this out for themselves. If it shouldn't work out, it probably won't," Paul explained calmly.

Casey jumped in the second he had ceased to speak. "Probably? I can't deal with 'probably' Paul! He's going to hurt Emily, I know he is, and what kind of friend would I be if I let that happen?"

The sound of the bell echoed from the hallway into the office, signaling the end of her free period. Casey sighed and picked up her bag from the floor where she'd flung it angrily upon her entrance. Paul looked at her with a soft, reassuring smile. "Relax, Casey. Try talking to Derek calmly one more time, but if that doesn't work, it's just not something you can control."

Paul stared as Casey's soft pink mouth hardened into a tight line of determination. "We'll see," she said firmly, flying out the door.

Leaning back in his chair, Paul wrapped his hands around a mug of coffee, letting the warm sensation soothe him as he fell into his thoughts. He shook his head, amused at Casey's display of youthful persistence. He checked the clock – his next appointment wasn't for 45 minutes, although someone could come in with a problem at any time. He had come to dread the empty spaces in his schedule, not wanting to be left alone with his own worries for too long.

His marriage had been rocky for the past few months. After their second child had been born, his wife Adele had grown more tired and irritable. He knew it was difficult for her to take care of both children all day, living only on his teacher/counselor's salary and whatever Adele could make as a waitress one day a week. He understood why she was feeling that way, but still found himself growing more distant. She never seemed to want to talk calmly anymore, just yelling about why he couldn't do more when he came home, and what did he have to be tired about, and when was he coming up for that raise…

Paul tried to get them to go out once a week by themselves, but it was often hard to find a babysitter. Casey had offered once when he told her the baby was born, but Paul didn't feel quite right about it. He'd told Casey they'd let her know, when the baby was a bit older maybe. Really, he just didn't think watch Casey rocking his child, cooing at him happily, and then walking out the door with the wife he was struggling to reconnect with.

_Casey._ She was the fire he was missing. His own thirtysomething life was getting more routine and more empty, yet he felt like everything was closing in on him further by the minute. Watching her beautiful face light up into several different emotions, her frantic gestures of impatience, her wild pacing and overactive mind, he couldn't help but smile. He longed to recapture that feeling, to have it as a part of his life.

_That's what you have children for. Remember your children? Just get this out of your mind, remember who you are, what you have, and what you'd be giving up._

Giving up? He surprised himself when he thought of it. He'd found himself growing more attracted to Casey each time he saw her, and the worse his marriage got. Her beautiful skin, her body – more adult curves than he remembered of the girls of his high school days, her perfectly pursed mouth, the way her eyes twinkled with an idea or an achievement. Of course, he didn't enumerate these things to himself consciously, but he waited for her anxiously each day, enjoying the intelligent conversation, the chance to feel like this was what the world was and was meant to be – two people relating on the same level, appreciating each other's insights and company, understanding and being understood.

Casey often noticed when he was having a rougher day than usual and asked him about it. Of course, he didn't tell her his reasons, but it comforted him that someone had seen what he felt. His wife and he had found less and less time for their friends as they grow older and more ingrained in their family life, and while part of him felt pathetic that Casey was the highlight in many of his days, another part of him couldn't shake the effect she had been having on him.

But giving up his marriage? For a student? This was something he hadn't dared allow to cross his mind in any solid way. He shook his head, wondering why he felt a sharp stab of anxiety, and why a flash of envy had shot through the back of his thoughts that he was far past the days of being someone like Derek Venturi.

Derek Venturi. It wasn't terribly odd for the name to enter his mind, as he was all Casey talked about. He often thought that Casey was attracted to him, but she'd brushed him off the one time he'd asked about it. "Are you kidding? Derek? Please!" she'd puffed out, averting her eyes in annoyance. A small rush of emotion had gone through his chest that she hadn't fully denied it, but he'd let her response and his reaction to it go, not wanting to test the subject further.

_That Derek is a lucky kid_, he thought with a tinge of sadness. A knock on the door – his next appointment – brought him out of his reverie, and he was grateful for it.


	2. Hey Jealousy

Ah, the site FINALLY let me upload! I've been trying to get this up for days. Anyway, some groundwork in this chapter, and action in the next where everyone (Derek, Casey, Emily, and Paul) will all be involved. Getting so impatient for July 1st! Anyway, hope you like it! R&R please.

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Chapter 2 (Hey Jealousy)

_Bang Bang Bang_ …"DEREK!"

Derek jumped up from where he was playing a computer game and went to open his bedroom door, still chewing on a piece of sandwich he'd bitten off.

Outside the door was a very pissed-off Casey, standing with her arms crossed in front of her, eyes narrowed in anger.

Derek opened his food-filled mouth and shouted over the music. "Can I help you?" he yelled incoherently.

Casey pushed past him, jabbing at the stereo buttons to turn off the screeching System of a Down song. "We need to talk," she said, turning to him firmly.

"Oh yeah?" he asked, smirking.

She saw the quick twinkle in his eye, and answered, "You _know_ what I'm talking about."

"Ah, yes," Derek smiled. He dropped back down into his computer chair, throwing his feet up on the desk. Leaning back, he placed his hands behind his head on the chair and took in her stance, amused. "I assume you're referring to my date with Emily."

"Derek, I won't let you do this!"

"Oh, really? You mean, the way I wouldn't let you go out with Sam, but then you did it anyway?" Another smirk.

Casey sighed in frustration. Why did everyone keep bringing that up? "That doesn't count, we barely dated for 2 weeks!"

"And you think that I'll get along so well with Emily that we'd stay together for more than that? Huh…" Derek pretended to consider this. Before she could jump in again, Derek asked, "By the way, Case, whatever _did_ happen between you and Sammy?"

"What do you care?" Derek continued to stare at her. "We just … weren't compatible, that's all. He's too much like …"

"Me?" Derek asked, staring directly into her eyes.

Casey was quiet for a minute, her eyes averted. "Yes," she finally answered softly. After a moment, she cleared her throat and turned back to him. "Why, what did he say?"

Derek shrugged. "That you wouldn't put out."

"WHAT?"

Derek laughed at Casey's flashing eyes. "I'm kidding! He said you just didn't seem interested anymore."

Casey sighed, "You're just trying to upset me so I forget about you and Emily, and I'm not going to! I won't let you hurt my best friend. Now for the last time, don't go out with her."

"Why not?"

"I already told you."

"Is that your real reason?" Derek asked, adopting a suspicious look.

She hesitated. "What other reason would I have?" She met his gaze defiantly.

Derek returned her glare, and stated coldly, "I guess you wouldn't." He turned back stiffly to his computer game.

Casey stood still for another minute or so, watching him. She closed her eyes and shook her head. _Why does it always have to be like this? _she thought.

Derek kept a poker face on as he stared at the screen, his nerves on edge while Casey remained standing behind him. Finally, he heard her say in her righteous-Casey voice, "This isn't over," and then she walked out. Derek exhaled hard.

Casey was right: this wasn't over. When she'd started showing an interest in Sam, Derek had finally realized how he felt about her. He'd always thought she was just this uptight bitchy stepsister that he fought with, but when she started paying more attention to Sam, and less to their little house battle – and him, he'd felt suddenly incomplete.

It had hit him for real that moment he saw Casey in the kitchen, wondering why Sam was ignoring her. In that moment, he saw her weakness. He saw the way she got upset over Sam and lost that spark in her he'd constantly battled with. He remembered the girliness in the cafeteria, he remembered the minute before in the living room when she'd barely been able to give him a comeback, just repeating what he said. He didn't like the way Sam made her act, bringing the life in Casey down to this quiet insecure nothing. _She doesn't deserve that, _he had thought, watching her speaking quietly, her head down. _She needs to stay the way she is. _He hoped it was for selfish reasons that he thought it, that he just didn't want the house to be completely boring. But in the back of his mind, a thought nagged at him: _She deserves someone better, she deserves someone like … me._

Even when he and Sam started to wrestle over her, the first thing that gave her emotion was him, Derek. When he turned the blame onto Sam, admiring her rage, her voice had immediately cooled. He smiled, seeing that the theory he was testing proved to be right.

In the end, though, Sam was still his best friend, and Casey was his stepsister, and he knew that this time had to be different. He couldn't make the first move with Casey – it was too damn scary – he had absolutely NO clue how she'd react. Losing the upper hand was not something he did easily. So, he let it happen, knowing it wouldn't work – or hoping – and putting himself through the torture of seeing their relationship, hoping his feelings would prove to be the insanity of the moment. But they had only grown stronger.

Casey and Sam had eventually broken up, and Sam had told Derek that Casey had just grown more distant. But something in the way Sam looked at him, as though he were wondering something for the shortest moment, and then shook his head to forget…

Derek still couldn't approach her. This was a delicate situation, and he wasn't sure how to play it. So he decided to ask Emily out. He knew it was stupid, doing this just to see how Casey would react, to see if she'd get jealous like he had with Sam, but Derek didn't get into things he wasn't sure he'd win. That's why he always won.

Casey was right: It wasn't over. It was just beginning.


	3. I Write Sins Not Tragedies

A/N: Whew, finally updating!

I responded to a message from MaibeJosie about the reference to Sam and Derek being alike in the last chapter and the energy Casey doesn't have with him. I lost my original response, but I'll try to explain.

My logic is, there has to be a reason Derek and Sam are friends. Even though Sam may be less abrasive than Derek, and especially to Casey since he's trying to date her, my assumption was that there was going to be some things that Sam said and did that would remind Casey of Derek, and she would grow distant from Sam because he isn't who she's thinking about, and not who she really has strong feelings for – even though she doesn't realize that she's trying to forget about Derek because she doesn't want to care about him. Thinking about this now, this explanation kinda sounds like a reason she would go for Sam as a substitute for Derek, but I don't like CaSam and you can't help you click with, right? So, as much as Sam would be a watered-down Derek for her, she would become a watered-down Casey with him compared to the sparks flying between her and Derek. Acceptable, though confusing? Back to the action!

The action, by the way, which I had plotted out before I saw Date with Derek and Casey's spying, but good to know I'm thinking in character! Oh, and btw, I haven't seen Snakes on a Plane, so I have no idea, I was just adding humor. I don't even know if it's out yet.

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Chapter 3 (I Write Sins Not Tragedies) 

The movie theater was dark as she slipped into the back row, the movie already playing. She looked around frantically, trying to spot the two teenagers, hoping they'd still be visible as two separate entities and not one entangled shape. She didn't know why the image made her heart plunge for just the smallest moment into her stomach.

As she scanned the theater, she caught sight of two other familiar faces – Paul and his wife, Adele. She had seen Adele's picture in Paul's office a few times, before she smashed it in anger during one session. Not in anger at Paul or Adele, but at Derek, not realizing what she was slamming down onto. She noticed that the couple seemed to be arguing in annoyed whispers, and let her glance stay on them for a few moments before she resumed her search.

"I can't believe you convinced me to spend $20 on this – it's not at all funny, there's all this blood, and the whole thing is about snakes!" Adele sighed, throwing her handful of popcorn back into the tub in frustration.

Paul sighed in return. "You like Samuel Jackson, I thought you would enjoy it. Besides, the title is Snakes on a Plane, Adele, what did you _think_ it was about?" He was seething inside, but trying to keep his calm through gritted teeth. _HER $20? Now she's the one with the money?_

"Don't start with me, Paul, you know I haven't liked Sam Jackson since Phantom Menace. And I obviously knew there would be snakes, but there's absolutely nothing else to this movie!"

Paul took a breath and tried again. "Adele, I thought it would be nice if we got out. We missed our date night last week and I thought you needed a break." He reached over and held her hand. "Can we please just relax and have a nice time?"

She stared into his eyes and he saw her soften. She pushed out a breath and nodded, making an effort to lean back. Paul was relieved and turned his attention back to the screen.

Derek sat next to a giggling Emily, who seemed to watch his profile more than the screen. He had made a conscious effort most of the night not to turn to her, lest she think he was trying to make a move. Keeping his attention straight on the underwhelming movie was beginning to take its toll on him though, and he turned his head in the opposite direction to scan the crowd.

Movement in the back row caught his eye and his glance settled on a familiar face in a wig. A purple wig. Casey had apparently planned this out last minute and raided Marti's Halloween costumes. At the moment, Casey was staring ahead and didn't see him taking in her tight, pensive face with his own relaxed smirk. Turning back to the screen, an evil smile graced his face. This was going better than he thought.

In one smooth motion, Derek threw an arm around the back of Emily's chair. Emily froze in shock at the brush of contact and turned to stare dazedly at Derek. He smiled charmingly at her, the kind of patented Derek smile that was guaranteed to close the deal with any date of his – a weapon he wielded very carefully, knowing its full power. The only woman that smile hadn't brought to her knees (figuratively speaking) was Casey. It was going to take some work to get to her. Some part of him still hoped that was what this was all about, but another part knew he would never risk something like that if it wasn't worth it.

With his other hand, Derek pretended to reach for the popcorn sitting on Emily's lap, but "missed" instead giving it the smallest nudge to the floor. The popcorn fell and Emily let out a small girlish shriek of embarrassment as he gallantly scrambled to catch the popcorn, but just didn't quite make it. He couldn't chance looking back to see if he had caught Casey's attention but he hoped Emily's shriek had done the trick.

Derek turned to a blushing Emily. "Omigosh, Derek, I'm so sorry, I'm so embarrassed!" she whispered, covering her mouth in small horror. Derek chuckled, his eyes shining, and pulled her hand down from her face.

"Don't be," he answered, his voice soft and deep. He continued to hold her hand, bringing it back down to her lap, and stared into her eyes. He felt the briefest flash of guilt before he leaned in closer to her mouth….

Casey gasped, a little too loudly. She was shushed by someone two rows down from her, and tried desperately to recover. It was like a car crash she couldn't take her eyes off of. Derek's hand played with Emily's curls while he continued to press his lips softly to hers. Ever since she had seen that "alternate" wedding video of Derek and Vicky – _Victoria _– she had wondered what Derek's kiss felt like. She had pushed the fantasy down into the dark recesses of her heart and mind, brushing it off as morbid curiosity – like imagining what would happen if you pulled a fire alarm or jumped into traffic – one of those things you play out in your head, but would never do, and immediately feel guilty for thinking. _Yes, that's exactly what it is, _Casey had thought, _A brief moment of insanity with absolutely no chance of becoming reality._

But at this moment, she felt like everything had suddenly been turned completely upside down. If she were writing in her journal, she would have described it as feeling like she had lost an integral piece of what made her world make sense, that it had been torn from her violently, and now she could only sit helplessly as the whole thing came apart…

"The kids in here are so noisy, it's so frustrating to go to the movies these days, everything is just crawling with inconsiderate teenagers!" Adele spat out, just as noisily as the girl she had just shushed. "I swear, I will not let our children turn out that way!"

"No, honey," Paul said, trying to appease her, "we'll teach them better than that."

"Hmph!" Adele scoffed, "Not while you keep giving into them so easily!"

Paul buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion. He spread his hands out to the side of his face and leaned back. "Jesus, Adele, we're at the movies, can we talk about this later?"

"SHH!" The sound came from an audience member behind him.

At that moment, Adele's cell phone started vibrating. "Oh come ON!" the same man behind them muttered, the vibration loud enough to reach his ears. Adele ran outside to take the call. Paul turned around and apologized to the man humbly, just wanting this night to be over. He had tried to get them out for a relaxing evening, but Adele had had a particularly rough day with the kids and he was lucky she had agreed to go out at all. Usually, even though she complained she needed a break, she seemed to resent going anywhere and having a good time. It was like she did everything she could to ruin her own time and keep the illusion that the world's problems rested on her shoulders. Paul, being a counselor, had obviously broached the subject and Adele had listened and agreed half-heartedly, but he simply wasn't trained enough to deal with post-partum issues. At least, that's all he hoped it was….

Adele returned to her seat a few minutes later. "Trevor won't go to sleep, we need to get back," she said simply, gathering up her purse.

Suddenly incensed, Paul put out a hand to stop her. "Wait a minute, why can't the babysitter handle it?"

"Because the 16-year-old you hired doesn't know what to do when a 2-year-old cries for an hour straight and won't go to bed!" she responded in an I-told-you-so voice.

In his annoyance, Paul forgot his desire to end the night and instead opposed his wife stubbornly. "Just let her handle it, Adele, do we have to do this every time? You say _I_ give in easily because I get them a couple of toys? You can't be away from that child for more than 2 hours! God forbid it was Melina, you'd --"

"SHH!"

Paul remained in his chair, glaring at his wife, and she at him from a half-standing position. "I'm leaving," she said icily, blaming him for the humiliation. "Come home when you're through." She threw on her coat angrily for the walk home and stormed up the side stairs.

"About time," the Shushing man snapped at her.

"The snakes don't TALK, sir! What'd you miss?" she answered mockingly before brushing past his row and out of the theater. Paul sunk down into his seat and closed his eyes.

Casey, Derek, and Emily had all noticed the argument. Derek and Emily thought nothing of it, as they didn't see Paul for counseling and only knew that Casey went to see him often. Casey, however, felt a tinge of sympathy for Paul. He had been there for her through so many problems that she would just ramble on about, and she had never really known how difficult things were for him in his own life. She'd noticed some days when he'd come in looking more tired or irritated or both, and asked him if he was okay, but he obviously hadn't gone into details. She felt a little guilty for witnessing one of his private – well, public actually – arguments with his wife. _Great, more guilt! This night's starting to have a theme, _she thought bitterly.

An hour later, the lights lifted slightly as the credits began to roll. Casey hadn't seen one bit of the movie, but she vaguely recalled something about snakes. As Emily passed by, Derek's arm around her waist and the rest of him following closely behind, she put her face down, pretending to get something under her seat and silently cursing the last-minute purple wig. "Omigosh, Derek, those snakes were so scary!" she heard Emily squeal. "Don't worry, I'll protect you if we run into any on the way back," Derek answered, a light mix of humor and toughness. She heard Emily's giggle recede behind her and figured she had been too distracted to notice Casey. Derek hadn't gotten her attention either, so she could only imagine he was equally absorbed with Emily.

When the noise quieted, Casey turned her head to look nearby and saw no one. With a swift heated flourish, she pulled the wig from her head and threw it down, growling with exasperation.

"Casey?"

She looked up, her cheeks red, knowing the voice. "Hi Paul," she said meekly.

Paul hesitated a moment, realizing she must have seen the spectacle his wife caused. The way she was looking at him held something akin to pity and empathy. It almost broke him.

"Are you here by yourself?" he asked, sitting next to her cautiously as he noted she made no movement to leave.

"Yeah, I was kinda watching Derek and Emily on their date. I think they actually had a good time," she said, mixed emotions staining her answer.

"Ah, well, that's what we hoped for, right?" Paul questioned. Casey looked up at him, a pleading in her eyes, as if for some explanation of what she was meant to think. She shifted her gaze away again a moment later, pushing it from her mind.

"Is your wife okay?" she asked slowly. Paul thought he heard the unspoken question underneath her words: _Are you okay?_

"Just a small emergency at home, I'm sure everything will be fine. She said I should stay, she knows how much I like Sam Jackson." The words came out more sarcastically than he meant them too as he recalled their earlier argument.

They were both silent for a couple of minutes, staring ahead.

"Paul, I'm sorry." It was quiet and simple. And it tore at his heart.

He looked over and saw a tear running down her opposite cheek. He sighed, "Oh, Casey" – it was meant to be a reassuring, sympathetic response. But as Paul reached out to brush the tear away, his hand cupped her chin and he felt his sympathy turn into a more dangerous emotion.

Casey let the tears fall silently, unnoticed, as Paul continued to hold her face in his hand. What could she do now? What made sense to her? Nothing. She was aware of nothing but all the feelings she hadn't yet defined – about Derek, about herself – slipping into a tangled mess that she knew she would drown in given the chance. She needed to be pulled back to the surface, she needed to forget what she had seen and what she thought it meant to her. Paul's hand shifted on her face and she was suddenly thrown into the moment's sensations around her, and she looked deeply into Paul's eyes, trying to understand what was to become of her.

Paul hadn't moved until Casey's eyes grew suddenly attentive. All the thoughts that had flashed through his mind in the brief preceding moments now vanished as he saw her response to him. She looked like she needed him, and he knew he needed her. He didn't think about how she needed him at the time, consumed by their mutual grief – he only knew that she was not moving away.

_I can't do this_, they both thought as their lips met. He was surprised as she pressed into him, and he could taste the saltiness of her tears on her mouth. He felt himself kiss her harder, trying to erase both the tears and the cause of them…

"Oh, Derek!" Emily pouted, "I forgot my gloves in the theater, I wasn't paying attention!"

Derek smiled and squeezed her hand. "It's okay, I'll go back in for them. Stay here in the car where it's warm." Emily giggled, and Derek knew she had wanted a quick kiss before he exited the car, but he avoided her gaze. As he walked back to the theater from the parking lot, he rolled his eyes. _I wasn't paying atteeeeention_, he mimicked silently.

He had an ulterior motive for going back; he hadn't seen Casey come out yet. He wasn't sure if he wanted to confront her if he found her still in the theater, but he imagined it'd be difficult to avoid in an empty room. He was intrigued to see her reaction, anyway, both to he and Emily and also to him catching her.

He explained the situation to the ticket taker, who waved him in apathetically. He promised to be out in a minute, but the employee didn't seem to care either way. Derek stared up at the small marquees until he found the theater they had come out of, and pulled open the door. Reconsidering, he held the door and eased it closed quietly, wanting to catch Casey off-guard.

Rounding the corner to the seats, he glanced up to where he'd seen Casey sitting before…

**To be continued...**


	4. Confessions of a Broken Heart

Chapter 4 (Confessions of a Broken Heart) 

A/N: Wow, I didn't realize cutting the last chapter off there (instead of my original cut-off point) would be so suspenseful! Well, I hope it's not anticlimactic. This story, once again, is not coming out how I'd like. I think I only really liked my first LWD story, "What You Need." This chapter is the little aftermath, and the next will be everyone's thoughts about what happened and some more Pasey. Then after that ... well, I'll surprise you. R&R please!

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Derek stepped from around the side of the wall that blocked him from the theater seats, moving quietly. Glancing up immediately to the back row where he'd seen Casey spying on him and Emily. When his eyes focused, the sight before him made his breath catch in his throat and refuse to continue for the next few moments. 

His first instinct was to spring up the aisle and stop what he thought was an attack. But as he began to lunge, he noticed, confused that Casey's head was bent lazily as she slowly and unhurriedly touched her lips to the teacher's. He suddenly took in Casey's grip on the man's sleeve as if pulling him closer. He realized she was not struggling, that the guidance counselor was not holding her down but caressing her cheek, and slowly moving a hand down her back. He had no idea what to do.

He stepped back again, taking his foot off the stair he had been prepared to leap from, his face a mix of bewilderment and pain. Rushing, still quietly, back to the other side of the wall where the shadows would hide him, his eyes darted back and forth as he tried to understand. He exhaled deeply, exasperated almost, at his utter lack of comprehension of what the situation was and what to do about it. He felt like everything outside of him was spiraling away from him and all he could do was grip the wall behind him with the palms of his hands to keep from getting pulled into the chaos. He realized in a flash that it felt like his heart was stopped and he made an effort to breathe and control the pain in his chest. The first coherent thought he had was, _Maybe it wasn't me she was spying on after all…_

Derek heard a voice, and held his breath again.

---

Paul broke away from the kiss just as quickly as he'd leaned into it. He'd been trailing his hand down Casey's back and had come to a small space of skin between the end of her shirt and the top of her jeans. When his fingers grazed the soft smooth area, his sudden awareness of the body against him made him freeze and recoil.

Covering his mouth in horror, Paul turned to look ahead at the still-rolling credits. _No, oh God no, it's not real. Focus, focus … Assistant to Mr. Jackson … Assistant to Mr. Jackson's Assistant… oh my God what have I done?_

Casey sat in a similar position, keeping her eyes on anything but Paul. _What have I done? _She thought, each blaming themselves. Sure, she had always thought Paul was attractive for an older man, and they were very close because of her almost-daily sessions with him. He probably knew more about her problems than her own mother. She had wanted comfort, she had wanted something of her own to erase the image of Derek and Emily. She had needed to be … wanted. But Paul was her guidance counselor, and a teacher. This was so so wrong, she thought. But the brief pang that had gone through her when the kiss was broken had whispered the terrifying thought that it was exactly what she'd needed.

The thoughts swimming in Paul's head were not pleasant. They could not be tossed around and dramatized the way a teenager would treat them. Paul was 32, and married with two children. He was a teacher, a guidance counselor, a trusted member of the school and, well, society. For him to do something so incredibly foolish and irresponsible, not to mention a horrible breach of trust … no matter what his still-ambiguous feelings toward Casey were, whether they stemmed from loneliness or … something he wouldn't allow himself to name … he couldn't do this to her. She was a strong young woman, yes, but she was vulnerable and trusting and he wanted nothing but the best for her. How could he DO such a thing to a student? He cursed himself.

"Casey," he began, his eyes shut in pain. "I'm very sorry. My behavior was unacceptable. I hope you know that that has never happened before with a student, and will never happen again." He struggled to keep his voice firm and mature.

Casey bit her lip and nodded. Paul gripped the arms of the chair and waited a few moments for her to speak, getting the strange sense that if he ran out of the theater without her permission, he'd feel as though he'd victimized her.

Taking a deep breath, Casey turned to him, her eyes glistening in the dark. "Why did it happen, Paul?"

Paul's grip on the seat slackened as he exhaled and threw his head back against the chair. In a moment of weakness and confusion, he mumbled in response, "Oh god Casey, please don't ask me that question."

In the naïve way of a teenager who still believes everything has a paramount meaning and forbidden relationships are romantic instead of illegal, Casey turned to him and laid a hand on his arm cautiously. "Paul, do you have … feelings for me?" she asked, not sure what answer she wanted.

Paul stared at her in disbelief, searching her face for some reaction of disgust or anger. He found nothing but a nervous curiosity and the feminine sympathy that he'd so sorely missed in Adele. His eyes softened and he opened his mouth to speak…

---

Derek waited, with a sharp intake of breath, still struggling with the reality he'd walked in on. Suddenly, the door of the theater flung open down the walkway from him, and in the sudden glaring light stood Emily. Shaking out of his numbness, he ran to her on instinct, shoving a hand over her mouth and practically carrying her out the door.

---

Paul and Casey jumped away from each other, and Paul sprang out of his seat. They heard the door close again, and then remained a minute longer in breathless silence. When no one came into the theater, Paul relaxed and permitted himself to once more look at Casey.

"Casey," he started seriously, but quietly. "You cannot ask me that question. The answer is completely irrelevant, because nothing can happen." He sighed. "Casey, you are a beautiful young woman, I want you know that you have done nothing wrong."

Casey smirked for a second, her eyes downcast. It reminded her of what her father said when he left them for the last time. He'd said those words, hugged her close, and promised that she would always be his "big little girl" and Lizzie was his "little little girl." She thought he'd meant it. But slowly, he stopped calling, stopped visiting, stopped sending cards – and then one day when Casey tried to reach him, she heard only a recording saying the phone had been disconnected. Her father was less successful than her mother - and in fact had been out of work for over a year by the time he left - and paid no child support, so there was no reason or recourse to his disappearance.

Though Casey liked George, he had never been a father figure to her, or even attempted to be so. She didn't know if he was uncomfortable around grown daughters, or had his hands full with Derek, but some of her felt a distant hurt that he too paid little attention to her.

She wasn't thinking about this all now, but as she looked up into Paul's face and the vague images of her father crossed into vague images of George and her chaotic family and the kids coughing insults about her at school and Derek's smirking face and Derek's smirking lips kissing Emily, she shot up out of her seat and threw her arms around him, on the verge of tears.

Paul was taken aback. "Casey," he started to protest.

"Paul.." she sobbed. Pulling back, tears in her eyes, she leaned up and pressed her lips against his for the second time. Paul hesitated only a minute, before burying his hands in her hair and responding to her mouth. They stayed that way until the lights came on and broke the spell.

---

"Derek, what are you doing?" Emily squealed when his hand finally released her mouth outside the theater doors.

"I'm sorry, Emily, I was just …," he struggled for an explanation, "trying to be romantic. You know, sweep you off your feet." He ended with a charming smile and put his hand around her waist. Emily turned her blushing face down and giggled.

"Oh, Derek," she said, playfully swatting his chest. He started to lead her out, throwing a glance back at the theater. "Oh, hey, did you find my gloves?" she said, searching his hands.

"Uh, no, some wise guy must've taken them. Or wise girl, y'know…"

Emily giggled again, and her snort was the last thing that echoed through the lobby of the cinema before he gently pushed her out the door. He knew that Emily would probably ramble on in the car the same way she'd rambled on their first trip out to the parking lot earlier. Even Derek wasn't able to tune Emily out completely, mostly due to the jumpy way she started each and every sentence, like she was shaking you out of one nightmare to start the next. He'd have to think about this Casey situation later, he thought, her gentle voice ringing in his ears, the curve of her face as she leaned into the guidance counselor burned behind his eyes.


	5. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

A/N: OK, so since I've been working with Des and Gina on our upcoming fantabulous LWD site, I've had little time to update this story. Which brings me here – trying to be inspired on my lunch break for the sake of both myself and those eagerly anticipating the upcoming Dasey, Pasey, and not-quite-Demily. Hope you guys enjoy it. I thought I would fit Pasey into this one, but the action will have to be in the next one. Casey may seem a little OOC here, but this is because of the history I've imagined with her father in the last chapter, as her rationale for being with Paul. But speaking of OOC, if anyone's seen the "Middle Man-ic" episode that's up on YouTube, plus "Date with Derek", why the hell did they make Casey so annoyingly whiny this season? At least in S.1 when she was whiny, it was in a strong way for good reasons and her voice didn't go up an octave...

Yeah sooo, to the finally-updated story! (I just realized the title has a double meaning, because the song says "D.C." (District of Columbia) sleeps alone tonight, but D.C. can also be Derek and Casey - yeah overanalysis:) )

* * *

Chapter 5 (The District Sleeps Alone Tonight) 

Paul and Casey had shared an awkward goodbye. He'd left her after making sure she could get home safely, neither discussing what was to happen. Those discussions were not for the light. Once the darkness had lifted from the theater, only small talk could be made. A quick squeeze of their hands and they'd parted.

By the time he entered the house, Adele had already succeeded in putting Trevor to sleep and passing out herself. A heavy sleeper, Adele didn't hear him come home. He stood between the living room and the entrance to his bedroom, wondering what a man like him deserved, what was right for him to do.

One part of him looked at Adele with anger – _A man like me deserves to be appreciated, respected in his family for the work that he does since it's as much as I can do. A man like me shouldn't be walking on eggshells around his own wife because she has no consideration for him anymore! A man like me doesn't deserve to feel trapped in his own life!_ He turned his face away from his sleeping wife, from their bed, and looked across at the briefcase lying against the arm of the couch. His shoulders crumbled with along with his frustration as he tormented himself. _If you don't like your life, do something about it. But not with a student. Why did she have to come to me?_

Paul didn't blame Casey for what had happened, but the part he had the hardest time believing was that she had initiated the second kiss. He'd almost feel better if he had victimized her – a sick thought he shook away as quickly as it had come. But her response had thrown his mind into chaos. She had wanted to be with him too, at that moment, in

that space of time, she had wanted his touch, his mouth as much as he'd been aching for hers. How much more complicated that made things. And the fact that it wasn't just about touch, but that they had a personal connection, an understanding of each other that they didn't have elsewhere, that there was a need not only for the consolation of another person, but of _this_ person…

He turned away for a second time, and moved into his bedroom. Taking off his coat but not undressing, he lay curled up beside his wife, facing her back. He placed an arm around her waist and began to cry softly against her shoulder.

----------------------------------------------------

Derek pulled up to Emily's house, his ears throbbing. Every time he'd been certain that Emily had depleted her entire vocabulary and they'd enter a blissful silence, her voice would shoot forward a few seconds later to start again.

He practically threw Emily out of the car, making some excuse about curfew. She crinkled her forehead in confusion, knowing full well what Derek and Casey's curfews were, but when she started to protest, he gave her a quick peck on the lips to silence her. The rest of the routine - one of his dazzling smiles, and a promise he'd see her soon - and she was satisfied.

Once at home and in his room, Derek succumbed to the inviting warmth of his bed, exhaling forcefully as he flung himself onto it. He remained above the covers despite the slight chill coming through the base of the window, and stared up at the ceiling. The thoughts of panic he had fought off all the way home now came rushing back to him in the silent darkness of the room.

When the memory of Casey kissing Paul entered his mind, Derek's eyes squeezed shut and he writhed uncomfortably on the bed, trying to ward off the image. Derek was never one to wallow in painful thoughts or deal with things rationally. If something bothered him, he simply manipulated it back to his way, or he shut himself off from it. He had to admit that nothing had ever shocked him like this before, though, and he was having trouble understanding how he felt about it.

He knew he was disgusted with the teacher and that he was painfully curious as to how long this had all been going on. Somewhere, deep down, he wrestled with the fact that more than anything, his heart had plummeted when he realized that Casey hadn't cared what he was doing with Emily at all - she had her own torrid love affair to worry about. Looks like he was the only one secretly aching for his stepsibling in the next room. Looks like he still wasn't good enough for her...

Anger overtook Derek at this thought. He was losing Casey to a 30-year-old teacher! How did that happen? Was this how it was always going to be, easy girls, no effort, girls with nothing but looks and nails and high heels gazing with blank adoration at him and babbling incessantly trying to impress him when he really couldn't care less about a single damn one of them because they didn't have a speck of personality or two brain cells to rub together and no matter how hot they were or how much they let him do, they would never be as fucking feisty and beautiful as Casey!

He twitched with fury as his thoughts exploded and he grabbed the pillow from underneath him, flinging it so hard and fast against the wall that it made a large thud despite its softness. "DAMMIT!" he growled out loud.

"Derek?" Casey's scared voice came from the other side of the door. "Are you okay?"

Derek was sitting up now and he leaned his head down to rest on his knee. Shaking his head softly, he whispered to himself. _No._

"Derek?" she asked again.

"Dammit Casey, you woke me up when you came in, and now you're keeping me up, so just leave!" Derek forced out in a harsh whisper to cover up his own recognition of how deeply he meant what he had said. Casey had been tugging at him from the moment she walked into this house and ever since he realized why, he couldn't get her out of his head, and he hated it. His mind screamed everytime he thought of her, and it took everything he had to hold down his panic. The panic that came from just seeing her every day and not knowing if he wanted her gone or in his arms, and not being able to do a damn thing about it either way. The panic that came from the fact that his cover was slipping further away all the time, because she was something he couldn't block out. The panic that a day was coming soon that he wouldn't be able to hold it all in ...

Taking a deep breath in as he heard Casey's door close, he raised his head and pushed it all back again. He knew he wasn't losing her to the counselor. He wasn't losing her at all. He'd never had her.

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Casey was confused. She'd entered the house quietly, she thought, her lips still tingling with guilt. It wasn't until she'd gotten into her car that she suddenly remembered Paul's wife. It was strange, actually, since she had just seen them together, but she'd always had a hard time thinking of Paul anywhere besides the other side of his desk, listening to her. When they were sitting alone in the back row of the theater, comforting each other, her mind had blocked Adele out - Paul was only hers again.

Hers? Is that what she wanted? Casey shook her head - she knew better than this. She knew that this was wrong. So why was she acting this way? Did she have feelings for Paul?

She laid down in her bed, without undressing, not wanting to expose herself or be vulnerable in any way. She pulled the blankets tight around her, and as she hugged the pillow underneath her, she felt a deep ache in her chest. Paul's warmth around her had felt so comforting, his arms around her so safe. The feeling of complete chaos that had invaded her mind when she saw Derek kiss Emily had dissipated when she clung to him. She was wanted.

But now, left alone with only the sound of her breathing, only her own thoughts which gave no solace, she felt suddenly frightened again. The panic that had overwhelmed her in the moments before she threw herself into Paul's arms rushed back into her throat before she could even understand why it had come. She struggled painfully to catch her breath, not recognizing any particular thought that had caused this uncertainty and loneliness to seize her. Squeezing her pillow as closely as she could, she buried her face in the cloth until she had fought back the tears, repeating to herself, _I am wanted, I am loved, I am wanted, I am loved…_


	6. Author's Note

1/13/08

After having let this story sit here and become outdated through Season 2 and 3, I finally sat down this month to try to finish it, just to get it out of my head. I thought I had a plan, but as I fleshed everything out, it turned out to be a bad plan, lol. I really hated the melodramatic direction it was going in, so after much deliberation, I've decided to end it with Chapter 5. No happy ending here - just everyone dealing with the consequences of not wanting to take their chances or taking the wrong ones.

Sorry for the bummer ending. I think the last chapter's recurrent theme of loss and regret ties it up nicely though.

Hopefully now I can get onto something happier, although I doubt I can do something that hasn't been done in this community!

Thanks for reading,

Daseyshipper


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